You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
