ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
