I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
