So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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