Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
