My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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