are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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