wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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