Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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