I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
