Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I AM VODKA MAN
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
