you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
