uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
