Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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