Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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