Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
