He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone signed my nipple.
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