Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
