he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
