Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize