White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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