If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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