So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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