I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize