Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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