So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
