i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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