8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
