I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
