I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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