don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
