I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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