My friends, they love my intelligence
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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