3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I believe in your delicious
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
