You don't have asthma, your pregnant
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
