Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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