Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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