I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
