I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
