When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
