she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
