he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
