He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
