Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
