I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
