Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize