i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
