Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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