The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
