"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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