how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
