In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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