Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
