O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
