my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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