Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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