Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
