No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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