Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
