it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
