God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
