It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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