Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
