six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
