Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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